Many of the adult children I work with somewhat carry the same paradox: They feel suffocated by closeness, yet deeply lonely in the distance they've created to protect themselves. For many, distance feels like survival. "If I get too close, I will lose myself." The boundary may feel somewhat harsh, but it serves a purpose. It protects them from reactions, expectations, disappointments, and old wounds that still feel too painful to revisit. Then, as parents age, another emoti

In my therapy work, I often advocate for family therapy, to work directly with the person my clients have struggles with, to invite the family. When a client says, “My parents won’t come,” or “My teenager refuses,” I don’t hear a scheduling problem. I hear resistance. Often, it is protection—against shame, blame, vulnerability, or fear. Sometimes, it is protection against one more demand in a life already too heavy. If I meet that resistance too directly, I meet the defences.